IVF has started, with a bit of a bang

Today is Day two of IVF number three.

Yesterday I went to the clinic to collect all the medications. I have to admit I was nervous being there and it felt very overwhelming (my last two cycles were frozen, and therefore much easier).

When I got home yesterday I felt a bit crappy. Then I got news from my other friend who has been trying to conceive, that she is pregnant through her first IVF cycle. I was so thrilled for her. But then I selfishly started to feel like I'm stuck in the trenches all alone without her beside me. Add to that, two of my best friends are due to have their babies this week (we had all started trying to fall pregnant at the same time, and while they are giving birth I will be starting another IVF cycle).

It all just seemed too much. Floods of anger, self-pity and sadness flooded over me. I just felt so damn sad, and not hopeful at all that this will work out.

DH was out of the house, so I called my Mom. I could barely speak I was crying so hard.

That night my parents came over for dinner with DH's parents. I couldn't stop crying. It was a little embarrasing, but I just felt so overwhelmed by IVF. My tears continued into the night. I honestly wondered how I'm going to cope with all this, but the alternative of not having a sibling for DD seems worse.

Anyway - I woke up this morning feeling much better. More positive. I realised that i've been pretty stressed out of late, and I've been focussing too much on IVF. I'm going to try to get my life back, and focus less on IVF and more on having fun.

So, here I go again. I'm determined to push any thoughts of self-pity or anger to one side, and try to believe that maybe this might just work out.

(BTW a one-liner from a movie hit home. " It's all going to be alright in the end. So if it's not alright, it's not the end." I have to believe that somehow this will all work out alright. )