Saturday, April 30, 2011

The things you're not meant to talk about...

I went to a little family gathering on the weekend. It was an enjoyable day, but there was an elephant in the room that quickly became apparent.

My sister-in-law also struggled to conceive. She went through IVF years before I did. She now has two children through IVF, but has always wanted three. She has made the decision to go back again through my RE in November and try for a third child.

She knows that DH and I are going through IVF in the near future. We haven't really discussed it with our family or friends because we haven't been all that sure about what our plans are.

So the moment I walk in to the family party, my sister-in-law approaches me. " Have you been back to see the RE?" she said in an anxious voice? "When are you starting IVF again?"

I tried to play it cool and change the topic. I didn't work. She brought the conversation back to exactly when we would start IVF. She also wanted to know exactly how many embryos I would transfer. I knew that in her mind she was thinking that if we transferred two embryos, I could possibly end up with three children. And that is the desire of her heart - to have three children.

So what is the thing you're not meant to talk about? The reason I felt uncomfortable discussing our FET is that she doesn't want our FET to work, and she doesn't want me to fall pregnant. It's horrible to admit it....but there can be a sense of competitiveness that develops among those going through IVF.

This leads me to an important question........Who do I tell about the FET?

Obviously, I don't want to tell my sister-in-law much. It stresses me out, and I don't really think I want to be sharing competitive IVF stories. I think I'm going to try to give her a bit of space over the coming months.

I have other friends who would be really supportive if I told them. Yet I feel a bit hesitant this time around.

Did you tell anyone when you were going through IVF? Who did you tell, and why?

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

FET Decision Made

I have had so many different feelings associated with when to do my FET. Do I do it before DH deploys in August, while he is deployed or after he gets home again next year?

We've finally made the decision.

We're doing the FET in May.....Next month.

The decision has been made on practical grounds. I need DH here to support me while I go through the practical and emotionally challenging aspects of IVF again. So we need to do it quickly before he goes.

We have two embryos which we will do over two transfers (if needed).

I am praying that one of these FETs will work out for us. I just can't see myself doing a fresh IVF cycle while he is away.

I'm excited and nervous.

So FET, here we come next month!

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Trying to stay postive

Anyone who has been through infertility knows that it's a crazy journey. It's full of ups and downs, highs and lows. There are days where you feel incredibly hopeful, and days where you feel depressed.

Sometimes my mind slips into a depressed way of thinking. It tells me that although I've been through IVF before and have one beautiful daughter, IVF won't work again for us. I start to feel bitter and twisted, and tearful and removed from everyone.

Then other times I try to focus on the positives. I try to think about how darn thankful I am to have our baby girl. This makes me feel that my life is complete, rather than lacking a sibling.

So I'm trying to stay upbeat and positive. The RE says that we have a really good chance of having another baby. I know things don't always go to plan but I have to remain hopeful for the future but thankful of the present. Life is damn good, and I don't want depressive thoughts to steal my joy.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Cuteness in Sickness and in Health

We're in love. Of course we've always loved our baby girl, but she's just so damn cute at the moment. The fluffy blonde hair, character and tomboy attitude. I can see why people want to go back for Number Two! But over the last few weeks, we've been sick. DH, baby girl and I have been really, really sick. We haven't been able to eat anything and we've been losing weight. We've been feeling rotten and baby girl has been up most nights. For the first time in my life I was thankful I am not pregnant or breastfeeding right now - I don't think my body has anything left to give. Thankfully we saw an awesome Doctor who thinks that we caught a rare bug in the water when we traveled interstate a few weeks ago. The bug isn't life threatening but will make babies fail to thrive. Scary. So we've taken antibiotics to get rid of the bug, and I've been juicing and taking vitamins. I've started baby girl taking vitamins too. Over the last few days we're doing much better. I finally feel myself again. I can eat - yay!! And boy are we hungry. We've got catching up eating to do. The annoying this is that my period STILL hasn't arrived and it's CD40. Yep, day 40. And before taking the antibiotics I took a pregnancy test just to confirm to myself that I wasn't pregnant, and I wasn't. So it's just my body taking it's damn time. Provided things are on track physically I'm warming up to the idea of an FET in June/July. DH leaves in August, and I'd like to squeeze in one FET before he goes. It will be much easier getting the ball rolling while he's here I think. Also from a practical perspective, he can look after baby girl while I'm having blood tests etc. I'm starting to get excited! Oh and for some reason Blogger is not allowing me to insert paragraph spaces. I just don't have time to figure it out but if you know how to fix it I'd appreciate it.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Feeling my way in the Dark

It's been a week since DH returned from his last business trip. It's great to have him home again. Life is just so busy at the moment. I really enjoy being a Mom. Our little girl is full of life. She is extremely active and gets bored very quickly. It is a tiring job to keep her occupied, but it is very enjoyable. DH and I were talking tonight about the FET. Right now, we just feel like life is so busy. I couldn't even imagine going through IVF at the moment. I think the prospect of him going away is just so daunting that I can't imagine the stress of IVF too. So we both agreed that we're feeling our way in the dark. I'm not sure when I'll feel ready to do the FET. I just know that I don't feel ready now. Hopefully I will feel ready sometime in the coming 2 to 6 months. But for now we're just enjoying each day together.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Home Again

My husband is home again, and it's been really nice enjoying some time together. We went and saw a movie together last night which was really good. And we've planned a casual dinner out this week to celebrate our wedding anniversary. I've only got 12 weeks with him before he leaves for 6 months so I want to make the most of it! To be honest, we're also both pretty exhausted right now. I've been managing a cold that has been lingering for several weeks and draining my energy. Our little one is waking each night at 1am and it's taking over an hour to resettle her. And I'm trying to relax about things around the house. Normally my husband's mess when he gets back from a trip would annoy me, but I'm trying to laugh it off. I guess it doesn't really matter if the house is a mess. My little girl is a nightmare to change at the moment. As soon as I try to lie her down to change her, she flips over onto her stomach and wriggles to the ground. Today I couldn't stop her in time, so she crawled off down the hallway in glee with no pants on. Next thing she crawled out the dog flap into the backyard. Normally I would be really uptight about her crawling around with no pants on. But today I just laughed. I even called my husband over to watch too. And he would normally flip out, but today we just didn't have the energy to worry. And it felt good. Then I went to bath her and I couldn't find the plug. I remember that she was playing with it sometime and she must have left it somewhere. So, I just plonked her in the shower instead, and she had a blast. I'll have to remember to be more relaxed in future, as it really helps the whole mood of the family when Mommy is calm (easier said than done though!)