Sorry it's been so long since I've written.
When I last posted it was just after our last BFN. I was a bit of a mess. Upset, tearful, distressed, convinced we were at the end of the road.
In the month or so since then I've been doing some healing. I gave myself permission to avoid difficult and unhelpful people, and have surrounded myself with great friends and family. I've been cooking with DH and have just been having fun with the family.
We've decided to do one more stimulated cycle with our current RE. I started stims yesterday so the retrieval probably won't be for another 2 weeks.
I haven't been focussing too much on outcomes this cycle. I realize that the outcome of an IVF cycle is pretty much outside of my control anyway. Instead I've been focussing on the process, or the journey. And trying to make each day as happy and rewarding as it can be. Whether or not we achieve a BFP isn't really on my radar right now (i'm sure as we progress it will be more and more).
I also have a backup plan if this doesn't work. I guess i'm not really expecting a great result based on all our failure to date. But I'm planning on consulting with a great RE interstate if this last cycle doesn't work. I'm seeing him in one month (which will be helpful if we don't get a BFP this cycle).
All in all I'm in a good place. Happy, healthy and trying to enjoy things as much as I can. I'll keep you updated with how this IVF cycle progresses!