Friday, December 23, 2011

Moving forward (again!)

Wow - it's hard to believe it's been almost three months since I last posted.

Since DH left for his deployment in August, I've been pretty occupied looking after our baby girl who is almost two. She is gorgeous and extremely exhausting. It's getting easier now that she's a little older. She can sit for longer periods, and I'm starting her in a preschool two afternoons a week next year. I think she'll enjoy it.

As for me, I'm feeling much better physically. I had some Vit D and low iron deficiencies, but I think I'm ontop of that now. I no longer feel the same sense of exhaustion I did previously.

Mentally I'm doing The last four months or so have been difficult. We had one frozen embryo left and I decided to give it a go in October. Sadly it failed to thaw, so we have no embryos left to try. I'm a bit sad about this as I was hoping that one of our frozen embies would have worked - but no.

This last year I have felt that my life has been on hold. It's been the metaphoric "winter" of my life. I've just had to wait and wait and wait. Wait for DH to go on deployment and for the deployment to pass. Wait for IVF cycles, and wait some more when they didn't work out. Wait and wait and watch everyone else move forward - have babies, move houses, kick ass in their careers, go traveling etc. I have to admit that I've struggled with this period of inactivity and waiting.

Looking back, this waiting time hasn't been unproductive. I think it's been necessary. DH and I have grown closer together. Our time apart has made us value our little family so much more. We are aware of how special it is to be together, and it's motivated us to be the best parents we can be. We're not perfect, but we're trying.

I've decided to make the move to do a stimulated cycle in January using DH's frozen sperm. He has 24 straws frozen at the clinic so I can proceed with IVF while he is away - so we figured we could at least put them to use! I spoke to the RE yesterday and she's on board with the plan. She'll be repeating the same IVF protocol that I was on in 2009 that resulted in the birth of our daughter. Hopefully we'll have a similar good outcome.

I'm feeling pretty optimistic about 2012. DH gets back from his deployment in February, we have saved enough money to do several IVF cycles (if necessary) and my work isn't too crazy right now. For the first time in a long time I have hope again. I really hope 2012 is our year, and we can add to our little family.