I went to a little family gathering on the weekend. It was an enjoyable day, but there was an elephant in the room that quickly became apparent.
My sister-in-law also struggled to conceive. She went through IVF years before I did. She now has two children through IVF, but has always wanted three. She has made the decision to go back again through my RE in November and try for a third child.
She knows that DH and I are going through IVF in the near future. We haven't really discussed it with our family or friends because we haven't been all that sure about what our plans are.
So the moment I walk in to the family party, my sister-in-law approaches me. " Have you been back to see the RE?" she said in an anxious voice? "When are you starting IVF again?"
I tried to play it cool and change the topic. I didn't work. She brought the conversation back to exactly when we would start IVF. She also wanted to know exactly how many embryos I would transfer. I knew that in her mind she was thinking that if we transferred two embryos, I could possibly end up with three children. And that is the desire of her heart - to have three children.
So what is the thing you're not meant to talk about? The reason I felt uncomfortable discussing our FET is that she doesn't want our FET to work, and she doesn't want me to fall pregnant. It's horrible to admit it....but there can be a sense of competitiveness that develops among those going through IVF.
This leads me to an important question........Who do I tell about the FET?
Obviously, I don't want to tell my sister-in-law much. It stresses me out, and I don't really think I want to be sharing competitive IVF stories. I think I'm going to try to give her a bit of space over the coming months.
I have other friends who would be really supportive if I told them. Yet I feel a bit hesitant this time around.
Did you tell anyone when you were going through IVF? Who did you tell, and why?
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Ugh. I have a sister in law like this. Now that I am pregnant with twins, she feels like in one short moment of time, we've caught up to them and will have 3 kids and it took them 6 years to have 3 kids. It feels like a weird competition and I'd be sure she is going to be pregnant soon if she wasn't having menstrual and weight problems since having her last child. It can be really stressful. I told a lot of people in our lives but it can be hard for me to keep a secret like that...especially since we had to travel to get to my RE and we needed dogsitters, etc. I did not tell my brother or sister in law...they knew we were doing fertility treatments, they just didn't know when or where or how...and it was MUCH better that way. The people I was sure would support me through anything (my mom, my neighbor, best friends) were the ones I told...because they'd be the ones I'd cry to if it didn't work or if I miscarried again.
ReplyDeleteGood luck. She sounds like a difficult person. Definitely do not let her get to you...you and your husband and your beautiful baby girl are the only ones that matter!!