Things aren't quite right

Our infertility journey has been "unfolding" (or rather, dominating) our lives since we came off birth control in 2005.

Back then, we had no idea what lay ahead of us. Being two 26 year old fit, young things, we assumed back then that we'd be able to have as many kids as we wanted when we wanted them.

But things haven't turned out that way for us. Fast forward to 2012, and here we are with one beautiful miracle two-year old, and an unfolding infertility story.

Over the course of the years we haven't known what was "wrong" with us. At first it was unexplained infertility. Then after the first laparoscopy I was diagnosed with endometriosis causing poor quality eggs. Then they thought the problem was overstimulation from the drugs and that I was fine. Then came DH's sperm DNA test which revealed high levels of sperm DNA issues (meaning we'd be unlikely to fall pregnant naturally).

We thought we'd overcome all of those issues when we had our beautiful DD two years ago. We assumed along with our RE that we'd be able to have another child. But here we are almost one year after starting out on our IVF journey to have another child, and sometimes I wonder if it will ever happen.

I've been getting some strange menstrual symptoms. Things just don't seem right in my body. I've been getting loads of spotting for two weeks before my period, and also lots of symptoms in my pelvis. I think it's the endometriosis back again. I'm so thankful to be having this laparoscopy next week to hopefully get rid of it.

Things in our personal lives have also been difficult. DH has been getting tension headaches morning and night. So I've been trying to do everything around the house to lighten the load. It's exhausting. But I'm learning to just do what I can, and let the rest go. The floors are horrible and need a good clean, so I'm going to pay for the cleaners to come in today. We dont' care about the cost today - we're just too tired from everything.

Hopefully things will be better next time I write and the laparoscopy will be over with. Then we can get on with our fourth cycle of IVF trying for another baby. At least we now know what is wrong and it can be fixed. It's just been such a long and expensive road which seems to reveal more problems and no pregnancy.

It seems like we've been enduring infertility for years. Well, it has been years (since 2005). I just want this part of my life over with. No more IVF, surgeries, financial strain caused by ongoing treatments and difficulty coping with my friend's pregnancy announcements. I just want to get on with life and leave this all behind me. It's all been a bit of a nightmare.