The last few days I've been feeling a bit panicky.
The thought of DH's deployment looming is a bit scary.
The prospect of going through IVF is even more scary. And the combination of the two of them together? Terrifying.
I know I have a lot of fear in my heart. I'm scared of how I'll cope when DH is away. I'm scared of how I'll cope when I go through IVF (whenver that may be). I'm scared about how I'll cope if I'm not able to get pregnant and I'm scared of how I'd cope being pregnant alone.
There are a lot of scary unknowns for me this year.
I think I just need to focus on what my values are, and when the right time is for me to do IVF. Then I can manage the fear and anxiety. I want values to rule my life, not fear.
After my panicky few days I've been feeling pretty calm. Life with a one-year-old is busy and fun. I get swept away with life and forget all about IVF. And it's good.
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A deployment is so hard on both people...in fact, I think it can be harder in some ways on the spouse left behind, honestly. The deployed soldiers are so busy and into new things, with their unit or brigade, they are concentrating on getting done what they came there to do and living through it. We are at home concentrating on how to do everything alone and how dangerous it is wherever they are. It is so HARD. I did this when my husband was deployed to Iraq in 2005 and it was awful. I can't even say how many times I cried, honestly. But, lots of women do it and lots of women do it pregnant (we are really in some ways, the stronger ones). You will do just fine. You also have your little baby girl to be strong for:-)
ReplyDeleteI forgot to put your new blog in my google reader...so sorry...I am here for you, always - even if I disappear for a bit!
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