Taking time out

Since my husband left on his deployment a few months ago, I've been coping by keeping busy. In some respects this has really helped me deal with his departure as I've had very little time to think about it. And the time has flown by.

The only problem is that I started to become exhausted. Being a single Mom is a very difficult thing, and I was trying to do it all. Looking after my daughter, doing all of the cooking, cleaning, washing, gardening and also working in my job. The busier I got, the harder it has been to wind down and relaxed. I haven't been sleeping well.

I'm not surpised that I have been feeling so exhausted.

So when I went to see the RE last week I was not feeling great. I'd lost more weight and looked pretty skinny. My iron and Vit D levels are low. My energy is low. I have black circles under my eyes etc.

So the RE and I discussed my plans for the upcoming frozen embryo transfer scheduled for November. Then she asked about my overall wellbeing and self-care at the moment. She told me I had lost a bit of weight and asked if I had an eating disorder (thankfully I don't). She asked if I'm eating well (I'm not). She asked about my energy levels. And in the end she pretty much told me she doesn't think I could cope with a pregnancy right now and she wants to wait until progressing with the next IVF cycle.

I felt so Relieved to have this decision made. I really don't want to deal with IVF right now, and I don't think I have enough energy to cope with a pregnancy.

Part of me feels very sad that I've decided to put IVF on hold for a few months. It feels like I waited a LONG time (4 years) to have my daughter, and now I have to wait again to hopefully conceive number 2. But I also know I have to look after myself and my family first before focussing on further IVF.

So now I'm learning to relax and slow down. I'm resting more. Reading more. Staying at home more. Sleeping more. Cooking more. Eating more. And I feel good.

IVF is on hold for now. Not forever, but until I feel ready to give it another go.