Meeting with the RE

Next Monday, DH and I will be meeting with our RE.

I'm nervous about this, as I haven't seen our RE for almost 2 years. I'm also excited that it could be the beginning of the journey to another baby. But I'm also scared that it could result in a lot of tears and nothing to show.

We're planning on doing a FET in May. If that doesn't work, we'll do another FET in June followed by a fresh cycle in July. Then my husband will leave for 6 months.

I've caught myself falling into the old traps again - of being envious of my friends who can conceive so easily. From my high school friends, most of them are currently pregnant or have had a baby recently. To my knowledge, they all fell pregnant very quickly. It's hard for them to understand the journey I"ve been on to have my child (and hopefully children).

This time around, IVF seems just as scary as the first time. And although the stakes are still high (and my heart really desires a sibling for my daughter), I don't feel the same sense of desperation that I felt last time. I don't feel the same overwhelming fear that I might never be a mother. And if we don't suceed with IVF I will still be heartbroken. But I will try to live a life in which my heart's desires are filled by being a mother to my beautiful daughter.