Thankful

It's hard to believe that here I am....14 weeks pregnant with our second IVF baby due in May. 

It's taken some time for the news to sink in - that I really am pregnant and that there is (apparently) a live, healthy baby inside me right now. 

Today I had an ultrasound in the OB's office.  It's amazing how formed the baby is now..it looks like a tiny, real baby.  Somehow it made it feel more real.  The nervousness about the appointment turned into excitement. 

I feel I'm at a curve in the road right now.  I need to let go of some of the trauma associated with all of the years of fighting infertility, and going through cycle after cycle of IVF treatment.  I want to let go of the fear and apprehension of early pregnancy, and the anxiety that the pregnancy won't last.  I need to move forward in my life now with confidence and joy and extreme extreme thankfulness that I am finally in this position. 

I always wanted to have two children.  I feel that I am so close to fulfilling that life ambition.  It's not that my life would have been any less worthwhile if I had no children or just an only child.  But there is something incredibly special about having your heart's desires finally fulfilled after so many years of hurting. 

I know I'm not there yet.  There are many things that can still go wrong.  But today I felt that we are so close.

I am incredibly thankful and humbled right now.