What is the Go?

My cycle is officially crazy.

Last month I had a 45 day cycle.

This month my cycle is 21 days long. It's crazy and frustrating.

Because my cycle is super short this month, we just can't go ahead with the FET. If I did and it was successful, DH would barely be home from his deployment by the due date (and I really don't want to be stressed about whether or not he would make it to the baby's birth).

So it seems as though fate is making me wait another month for the FET.

I feel a bit relieved to be honest. Life is pretty full right now, and I haven't thought about IVF lately. I guess waiting one more month isn't that big a deal. I just feel a bit upset that it's not going to plan like i'd hoped.

Pushing ahead

Despite some doubt and uncertainty about IVF, DH and I are still pushing ahead this month.

Because of DH's deployment in August, we're bound by time frames.

If I have a short cycle this month, I won't be able to do IVF until next month (or risk having a baby before DH returns!) But if my cycle is a normal-long or very long cycle then I'll be OK to start in May.

I've decided to try to reduce my lifting around the house for after the transfer. I'm booking the cleaners to come back again and I'm going to start Internet grocery shopping. I'm still a bit worried about lifting my little girl during the 2ww. Any thoughts?

Am I an IVF chicken?

I'm sitting here enjoying a big glass of wine. Today I went to work and I didn't think about babies or IVF once. It was so nice.

Yet, I'm scheduled to start IVF this month!

I just feel so overwhelmed by DH's upcoming deployment that the thought of going through IVF is almost too much to deal with.

Am I ready for IVF? I don't know.......

I really want to stick to our plan of starting IVF this month. But if it is postponed for some reason I think I'll feel happy about it. I've just turned 32 years old, and I have 2 remaining good quality embryos. I have a beautiful 14 month old daughter. I know there is no real need to rush in, but I just want to get IVF done and get on with my life.

But I just don't know if I can deal with it right now.

My friend thinks that I need to be 100% ready for IVF before I do it. She thinks I should wait until I feel certain that I'm ready.

I just don't know the answer...............

The things you're not meant to talk about...

I went to a little family gathering on the weekend. It was an enjoyable day, but there was an elephant in the room that quickly became apparent.

My sister-in-law also struggled to conceive. She went through IVF years before I did. She now has two children through IVF, but has always wanted three. She has made the decision to go back again through my RE in November and try for a third child.

She knows that DH and I are going through IVF in the near future. We haven't really discussed it with our family or friends because we haven't been all that sure about what our plans are.

So the moment I walk in to the family party, my sister-in-law approaches me. " Have you been back to see the RE?" she said in an anxious voice? "When are you starting IVF again?"

I tried to play it cool and change the topic. I didn't work. She brought the conversation back to exactly when we would start IVF. She also wanted to know exactly how many embryos I would transfer. I knew that in her mind she was thinking that if we transferred two embryos, I could possibly end up with three children. And that is the desire of her heart - to have three children.

So what is the thing you're not meant to talk about? The reason I felt uncomfortable discussing our FET is that she doesn't want our FET to work, and she doesn't want me to fall pregnant. It's horrible to admit it....but there can be a sense of competitiveness that develops among those going through IVF.

This leads me to an important question........Who do I tell about the FET?

Obviously, I don't want to tell my sister-in-law much. It stresses me out, and I don't really think I want to be sharing competitive IVF stories. I think I'm going to try to give her a bit of space over the coming months.

I have other friends who would be really supportive if I told them. Yet I feel a bit hesitant this time around.

Did you tell anyone when you were going through IVF? Who did you tell, and why?

FET Decision Made

I have had so many different feelings associated with when to do my FET. Do I do it before DH deploys in August, while he is deployed or after he gets home again next year?

We've finally made the decision.

We're doing the FET in May.....Next month.

The decision has been made on practical grounds. I need DH here to support me while I go through the practical and emotionally challenging aspects of IVF again. So we need to do it quickly before he goes.

We have two embryos which we will do over two transfers (if needed).

I am praying that one of these FETs will work out for us. I just can't see myself doing a fresh IVF cycle while he is away.

I'm excited and nervous.

So FET, here we come next month!

Trying to stay postive

Anyone who has been through infertility knows that it's a crazy journey. It's full of ups and downs, highs and lows. There are days where you feel incredibly hopeful, and days where you feel depressed.

Sometimes my mind slips into a depressed way of thinking. It tells me that although I've been through IVF before and have one beautiful daughter, IVF won't work again for us. I start to feel bitter and twisted, and tearful and removed from everyone.

Then other times I try to focus on the positives. I try to think about how darn thankful I am to have our baby girl. This makes me feel that my life is complete, rather than lacking a sibling.

So I'm trying to stay upbeat and positive. The RE says that we have a really good chance of having another baby. I know things don't always go to plan but I have to remain hopeful for the future but thankful of the present. Life is damn good, and I don't want depressive thoughts to steal my joy.

Cuteness in Sickness and in Health

We're in love. Of course we've always loved our baby girl, but she's just so damn cute at the moment. The fluffy blonde hair, character and tomboy attitude. I can see why people want to go back for Number Two! But over the last few weeks, we've been sick. DH, baby girl and I have been really, really sick. We haven't been able to eat anything and we've been losing weight. We've been feeling rotten and baby girl has been up most nights. For the first time in my life I was thankful I am not pregnant or breastfeeding right now - I don't think my body has anything left to give. Thankfully we saw an awesome Doctor who thinks that we caught a rare bug in the water when we traveled interstate a few weeks ago. The bug isn't life threatening but will make babies fail to thrive. Scary. So we've taken antibiotics to get rid of the bug, and I've been juicing and taking vitamins. I've started baby girl taking vitamins too. Over the last few days we're doing much better. I finally feel myself again. I can eat - yay!! And boy are we hungry. We've got catching up eating to do. The annoying this is that my period STILL hasn't arrived and it's CD40. Yep, day 40. And before taking the antibiotics I took a pregnancy test just to confirm to myself that I wasn't pregnant, and I wasn't. So it's just my body taking it's damn time. Provided things are on track physically I'm warming up to the idea of an FET in June/July. DH leaves in August, and I'd like to squeeze in one FET before he goes. It will be much easier getting the ball rolling while he's here I think. Also from a practical perspective, he can look after baby girl while I'm having blood tests etc. I'm starting to get excited! Oh and for some reason Blogger is not allowing me to insert paragraph spaces. I just don't have time to figure it out but if you know how to fix it I'd appreciate it.